New parents, Jerome and Cassandra Splinter, recently welcomed their first baby into the world. This happy time has been marred by grandparents, Susan and Graham Nixon, who don’t know the first thing about parenting.
“Quite frankly, we’re afraid to leave Victor with them,” says doting father, Jerome. “I’ve lent them all our parenting books. I even highlighted sections for them, but they’re not interested in learning.”
Cassandra says, “They don’t follow his routine, his swaddle is always loose. I saw my dad try and feed him mashed banana. Victor’s not even on solids yet! And when he is, we will be baby-led-weaning.”
Even though Susan and Graham live five minutes away and are desperate to lend a hand and spend time with Victor, the new parents are adamant.
Cassandra adds, “They say things like, ‘He’s fine’ or ‘That’s normal’ and make out like we’re over-reacting. Well, I’m sorry if my baby’s safety and wellbeing is my primary concern.”
Jerome says, “I know they raised five kids, but it’s amazing anyone survived the 80’s the way parenting was back then. And I wouldn’t say this to Cass, but some of her siblings turned out a bit weird. Presumably from being force-fed banana too young.”
Susan and Graham declined to comment.
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