Prime Minister Scott Morrison has admitted today that he can be a “bit of a bulldozer” and that if re-elected he promises to “change.” With his popularity in the polls in decline, Morrison knows he needs help. He is turning to a tested method: praying for miracles.
At a press conference today, the Liberal leader was asked how he plans to complete the mammoth task of completely overhauling his personality and work style.
He forced an affable smile and said, “It’s not my job to change me. I don’t hold a personality-altering machine. I’ll have to ask the big guy. No, not Peter Dutton. God. He has his work cut out for him, but I believe in miracles.”
Gayle White, a liberal voter from Kooyong, said, “As far as I’m concerned, ScoMo has already changed. This is the first time in his career that he has admitted a shortcoming. And he has loads of them. Change is afoot!”
The curry loving, daggy dad was careful to remind people, that his changing is conditional on being voted in.
“You have my word on that. If I don’t win, I’ll stay the same. I will continue to gaslight, conceal corruption, pander to the fossil fuel industry, and generally talk a lot but do eff all. I’ll just be doing it on a reduced scale, to Jenny and the girls at home.”
The first of his personality traits that Morrison will have God remodel is his tendency to be a “Bit of a bulldozer.”
Even though he admits his destructive leadership style doesn’t always work, he was quick to point out that it is not his fault. “You made me do it. If only you all agreed with me and stopped antagonising me, I wouldn’t have to bulldoze you.”
In a last-ditch attempt to win voters, Morrison has proposed easing pressure on supply chains by extending his proposal to have kids drive forklifts to also include bulldozers.
More to come.
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