In a last-ditch effort to secure the upcoming federal election, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has abandoned election cliches like kissing babies, instead choosing to tackle a child.
Kissing babies is a frequent strategy utilised by politicians to show their softer side. Babies around Australia are rejoicing that Morrison’s new direction has let them off the hook for the final days of the election.
With many unexpected policies and promises announced in the past weeks, Morrison’s campaign manager, Tony Balcombe, believes this best shows Morrison’s character.
He said, “Let Albo kiss babies. Scotty pushes boundaries and he pushes children. We’re not going to hide it anymore behind a façade of empathy. Scotty’s signature style is aggression. Whether it’s aggressively denying the need for an anti-corruption commission, or slamming a minor to win an under-9’s soccer match.”
Last week Morrison admitted he can be a “bulldozer”.
One onlooker, Barry Disney, saw the tackle and was impressed. “He didn’t hesitate. He razed that little kid like a dozer flattening social housing to make way for a golf course.”
A baby watching the game, who would prefer to remain anonymous, said, “I felt terrible for that boy, but frankly, I was relieved it wasn’t me.”
