Three months into dating my boyfriend, Dave Four-Point-0, I put my arm straight through him and realised: he was a hologram.
As technology evolves, it’s common for women to learn their dream partner is a hologram. And while holograms can make wonderful partners, learning your boyfriend is one can be confusing.
Now Dave and I have a great relationship. It’s taken some getting used to and we are still figuring each other out, but that keeps things fresh and exciting.
I wouldn’t change Dave for the world, but knowing earlier that he’s a hologram would have prevented some arguments. Here are five signs that I wish I had seen with Dave. Is your boyfriend a hologram?
He forgot my birthday
Dave’s memory of all events is shocking. When he forgot my birthday, I assumed it was because he was busy at work, or maybe I should have reminded him more. But now I know it’s because he doesn’t think in the same way I do, which I find sexy.
He can’t make me orgasm
When Dave touches me it’s like he’s not even there. At first, I put our lack of sexual chemistry down to him not finding me attractive, but now I know that it’s because his motor skills are different to most men. It keeps things interesting!
He doesn’t help with the dishes
He also doesn’t cook or clean. Before, I thought this was because he was busy at work and needed to unwind when he gets home. Now I know it’s because holograms are inherently sexist. Which leaves me to focus on accepting him for who he is.
He isn’t close to his family or friends
When we first met, I found Dave’s detached style mysterious. He was often alone. I naturally put this down to him being too embarrassed by me to introduce me to his friends and family. Now I know he doesn’t have any, which frees up our couple time to explore our hobbies.
He shuts down emotionally and physically
We could be in the middle of a conversation and he would shut down. Literally. I used to think it was because he was scared to talk about his feelings, but now I know it’s a technical issue. I simply recharge his lasers and we can get back to having fun.
