Lisa told Babbler, “I don’t know what’s got into them. They’re yelling all the time. They must be picking it up at school and kinder…. Excuse me… TEDDY, get off your sister!”

To Lisa, it feels like even the most basic of conversations or requests ends in one of the children yelling. She has no idea what has caused this shift in her once-serene children.

“Lilah! I’m warning you!”

“I know I should be encouraging their self-expression but this is next level. I think I’m going to talk to the school. This behaviour is not acceptab— Hang on a sec…. TEDDY, I SAID, GET OFF YOUR SISTER!… RIGHT, THAT’S IT—”

More to come.

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The post “Who Taught You To Yell Like That?!” Says Mum Who Hasn’t Said A Calm Word All Year appeared first on Babbler.

“I need a break,” Daniel said.

His wife was unavailable for comment.

More to come.

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My Noah is gifted. He’s incredibly bright, artistic, curious and has a unique emotional intensity. He’s a talented piano player and a champion at chess. Plus, he has a top-notch personality. I’m not just saying that; everyone I tell agrees with me. Everyone except Ms Finley.

This year, I wanted to really stick it to Ms Finley. I needed a gift that said ‘I’m not impressed,’ and that also said, ‘Seriously, I am NOT impressed!’

The key to sticking it to your child’s educator is to find something impersonal. Something so boring that the moment they unwrap it, they realise they’ve done a terrible job at teaching your amazing child and the other 22 prep children over zoom in the middle of a pandemic.

There was no way I was going to give Ms Finley the pleasure of receiving a gift that Noah had made. Nor would I give her the joy of a homemade card. What, give her a piece of art that will be worth millions one day? I don’t think so!

I got Ms Finley a box of Ferrero Rocher and a $50 Myer Gift Card (that I bought with air miles. Lol!). The store-bought card simply said, ‘Merry Christmas From Noah.’

Checkmate, Ms Finley. Check. Mate.

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Onlookers reported that baby Archie was enjoying time with his grandmother, Barbara Ringer, when the retired principal suddenly devoured the two-month-old’s face.

Police investigating the incident believe that the warning signs were there.

Archie’s distraught mother, Kira, told Babbler, “Looking back, she had made threats. She said things like, ‘Look at those thighs, I just want to squeeze them!’ Once, we heard her say to Archie, ‘You’re so cute, I could eat you!’ We never thought she would actually do it.”

Detective Prasad said, “Likely, she was overcome by Archie’s chubby cheeks and smooth milky skin, and something in her brain snapped. Once she was in her animal brain she became like a sabre-tooth tiger.”

The doting grandmother has five other grandchildren. This is her first known incident of cannibalism.

Detective Prasad alleges such incidences are common, “The chubbier the child, the greater the risk is that a grandmother may ‘gobble them right up.’ If your child also has dimples, we suggest parents remain diligent around grandmothers and aunts.”

Barbara is in custody and is awaiting sentencing.

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The post Breaking: Grandmother Eats Baby’s Entire Gorgeous Face Right Off appeared first on Babbler.

It is halfway through the school holidays and Mandy Pronte is over the state of her house. She spent the morning picking up her family’s belongings so she can vacuum. While vacuuming she noticed that a Lego man remained on the carpet. It took Mandy 0.1 seconds to decide to sacrifice it to the vacuum cleaner.

“I have bent over 362 times today – including picking up toys, chiselling dried Weet-Bix off the tiles and scrubbing peanut butter off the carpet – all so I can vacuum. I’m over it.”

A recent study has found that the average Australian household loses approximately 1789 pieces of Lego to vacuum cleaners each year.

Common reasons were ‘too lazy to pick them up,’ ‘getting revenge on children’ and ‘enjoying the sound of a hard plastic being sucked up through a metal tube.’

One hour later, Mandy’s house displayed with no indication that it had just been cleaned.

More to come.

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The post Mum Willingly Sacrifices Kid’s Toy To Vacuum Cleaner To Avoid Bending Down Again appeared first on Babbler.

She told the class, “Now, Mammas, the best way to deal with the pain is to breathe through it and move around as much as possible. So, epidurals are a no-no.”

Despite never having given birth, Gianna was confident she could guide the group of expectant parents through this life-changing event. She has read three books on the topic and talked with friends that have done it.

An advocate for natural birth, Gianna was keen to empower the soon-to-be-mums that birth is the most natural thing in the world, “Women have been doing this for centuries. Your body knows what to do. And partners, you’re going to be working too! You’re on playlist-duty.”

Midwife and birth educator of thirty years, Wendy Abang, was not surprised by the interruption, “It happens all the time. It’s not ideal, but it gives me a chance to duck out and grab a cup of tea before I have to give them the full story.”

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The post First-Time Pregnant Woman Takes Over Teaching Of Birth Class appeared first on Babbler.

There have been multiple WhatsApp group committees of volunteers organising the activities. Despite all parents being peer-pressured to volunteer, the committees consist of 99% women.

Principal Mike Spendly said, “Mums are so special. Mother’s Day is a wonderful chance for the children to show how much they appreciate them. And the Mums have done such a good job organising this year, we can’t wait to get their help with the celebrations for Father’s Day.”

The school is hosting a raffle, morning tea, school performance, sausage sizzle and gift stall.

Mother, Marie Su, said, “I’ve had to take the morning off to come to the morning tea. School hours are the only time I can work, so I guess I’ll be up late tonight to make up for the time out of the office.”

Mother-of-three, Audrey Wotsonia, has a child in Grade 2, one in kinder and one in daycare.
She said, “I’ve spent hundreds of dollars and countless hours baking, sewing costumes and sourcing items for the stalls. Then, when the kids come home with the gift that I gave them money to buy me, I have to help them hide it.”

While Audrey will put her feet up tonight, she won’t be resting long.

“Tomorrow, I’ve got to coordinate the Footy Club Mother’s Day Quiz Night and get started on a Mother’s Day brunch for my mother-in-law.”

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After the long weekend, the McDuff house has taken a battering. The floor is strewn with Duplo, toast crusts, and abandoned craft activities.

Upon seeing a suspicious brown stain on her grey Freedom rug, Sandy was concerned. “I’ve got two kids in nappies and one tween,” McDuff said, “You can never be too sure.”

All it took was a close sniff from the investigative mother to put her fears at ease. The stain was Vegemite, not faecal matter.

Sandy is matter-of-fact, “I gave up being grossed out a long time ago. Now, I just get my nose right up in it and move on. If you blue-lighted this place, you’d find some sort of bodily fluid on every surface.”

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Dana is in training mode. The last time she saw her extended family at Christmas, she copped a grilling about her personal life. Topics of conversation included her single status, sexual preference, and not having children. She was encouraged to “Hang in there,” “Maybe you just need to lower your standards,” and reminded, “The clock is ticking; if it’s not already too late.”

This Easter, her family won’t know what’s hit it. Dana has spent the last four months undertaking a vigorous training routine that includes mirror talk, mantras and manipulation tactics.

Each morning, she completes drills, practising the perfect response to questions or comments that might arise. In the mirror, she repeats:

“I might die alone but I’m happy about it.”
“Most of my friends that got married are already divorced.”
“Being childless frees me up for my hobbies. I can go water-skiing at a moment’s notice.”

Dana admits that while she is close to being ready for lunch on Sunday, she can still be triggered.

She told Babbler, “This morning, I was practising on a comment that my Uncle Wayne said at Christmas; ‘You’re not THAT ugly. I’m sure you’ll find someone.’ I started screaming, ‘I don’t need another person to complete me. I am perfect as I am. I SAID, I AM PERFECT AS I AM!’”

Soon, a neighbour knocked on her door to see if she was alright.

“In a moment’s weakness, I considered asking them on a date. But then I realised that is exactly what my family would have wanted. I think I am finally ready. It’s Go-Time!”

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The post Single 37-Year-Old Who Copped A Grilling From Family At Christmas Gets Match-Fit For Easter Round Two appeared first on Babbler.

Natasha took home 120 size 000 onesies and over 100 adorable outfits that included unpractical items like sailor suits, overalls, button-down shirts and designer baby shoes.

Natasha said, “I hope I’ve bought enough. It’s hard to know what I’ll need so I’m focussing on the bare essentials. Do you think I need one of those diaper alarms?”

Psychologist Maria Nardett said, “Like many parents-to-be, Natasha has constant low-level anxiety. Every time she buys something, she gets a quick dopamine hit that feels good. So, on the surface she’s saying to herself, ‘I need this for the baby,’ but subconsciously she’s saying, ‘I need this $5,000 pram to feel in control of this uncontrollable time.’”

Natasha also purchased other essential items such as a baby wipe warmer, an air pressure barometer and a baby monitor that send a text every time the baby moves.

A spokeswoman from Baby World said it is common for expectant parents to spend up big in the name of preparedness, “The whole shopping industry is built on it. Make women feel insecure and they’ll buy anything.”

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