Monica Baros, 31, has multiple groups of friends that she keeps in touch with via group chats. If she doesn’t keep on top of her three or four regular groups, she can expect to be confronted with multiple comments that she must respond to before being able to start a new topic of conversation.

The popular real estate agent said, “It takes up loads of time when really I would prefer to be talking about myself.”

In the past, Monica would ignore all previous messages and jump in with a new topic that interested her. A group of school friends blocked her from the group for ‘being a bad friend.’

Monica tells, “They said I never took an interest in their boring lives and that I only wanted to talk about myself. But in my defence, I was having a major issue at the time and I needed their support – I was thinking about getting hair extensions. Hello. Crisis talks!”

The dismissal inspired Monica to try a new approach with her other friendship groups. She is now meticulous and makes a point of responding to every message or comment before changing the topic.

Monica adds, “It’s paid off. I didn’t get the hair extensions, thank God. I guess being a good friend has its benefits.”

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The post Friend Makes Point Of Commenting On Every Message In Group Chat Before Talking About Herself appeared first on Babbler.

Jessie is currently in the kitchen – cooking a sit-down meal for 22 – while Darren is making a playlist of Christmas songs. While the list includes ‘Fairytale of New York’ by The Pogues and Darren’s favourite ‘How To Make Gravy’ by Paul Kelly, the freelance Graphic Designer is yet to lift a finger in the lunch preparations.

Despite the song explicitly explaining how gravy is made, Darren won’t be making gravy, or any dish. The self-described nightmare in the kitchen told Babbler, “I’ll just muck it up. I even burn water. Ha ha ha!”

Jessie is keen to make a good impression with Darren’s family and the pressure is getting to her. She has called out from the kitchen, asking for help to peel the potatoes, but Darren had to make an urgent phone call.

Jessie’s efforts are not lost on Darren. He reports that he’s all for equality and identifies as a feminist; he simply wasn’t born with the skills to cook. He also can’t do dishes.

“The kitchen is Jess’s domain. I’ll be busy too though. Once everyone gets here, I’m on drinks and keeping the guests entertained. Plus, I’m in charge of tuneage.”

Guests are due to arrive in ten minutes. Jessie has called out to see if Darren has bought ice yet. He can’t hear her as he is watching the cricket in the bedroom.

Stay tuned.

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The post Wow! This Guy’s Fav Christmas Song Is ‘How To Make Gravy’ And He Still Won’t Help With Lunch appeared first on Babbler.

What was supposed to be a relaxing lunch at a new café in Fitzroy ended in tears when lawyer Melanie Wimbone was tipped over the edge by the sound of partner Natasha’s chewing.

Melanie spent the first half of the meal trying to communicate her discomfort at the sound of Natasha eating a spicy Southern fried chicken burger, by sending her unsuspecting girlfriend death stares.

Melanie told Babbler, “The way Natasha eats kills me. The only time I can drown her out is if I chew myself. But today, our chewing got out of sync. Once I locked in on the sound of deep-fried crumbed chicken being crunched by molars, I couldn’t focus on anything else.”

Melanie suffers from a condition called ‘Misophonia’ where certain sounds, typically mouth sounds, cause a person to go into flight or fight mode.

Natasha remained unaware that her lunch was causing such distress, even when Melanie started to sigh loudly and roll her eyes. It wasn’t until Melanie blurted, “Are you right?!” that Natasha realised something may be up with her girlfriend.

Psychologist Dr Lydia McFarlane said, “As soon as a Misophonia sufferer hears another person eating, they are overcome with an intense urge to punch them in the face. Our research estimates that the eating habits of one’s partner are responsible for over 70% of relationship breakdowns.”

Melanie knows her condition can make her act unreasonably and implements workarounds so it doesn’t impact her relationship.

“If I am cooking, I only serve soft foods. If we eat out, I always select a noisy restaurant and suggest Natasha order soup. I also order extra crunchy food, so my chewing is louder. Today, I made the mistake of letting her choose the venue and her meal.”

Dr McFarlane said, “For the partners of Misophonia sufferers, they often feel they cannot win. No matter how quietly they chew, they enrage their partner. For others, the way they eat really is gross.”

The couple were later seen arguing on Brunswick St. Natasha was seen crying and saying, “I can’t believe you would ruin my birthday like that!”

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The post Woman Pauses Chewing To Get Irate Over The Sound Of Partner’s Chewing appeared first on Babbler.

Kuda and Lucy met at work. What started as simple work-friend banter evolved when Kuda decided Lucy was “pretty cool” and that they should take things “outside.”

When Lucy forgot to bring her wallet to their brunch date at a Footscray café, Kuda had no qualms picking up the bill. While initially coy, the two women exchanged bank details with Lucy promising to transfer her when she got home.

Kuda gushed, “I’m not really the type to put out my bank dets on the first date. But I thought, why not!? I can definitely imagine us going out for future brunches and even a cheeky night out where I might have to transfer Lucy money. Or vice versa!”

Kuda conceded their date had been so successful, that their work relationship had been upgraded to ‘friend zone.’

Lucy told Babbler, “It was fine, I guess.”

She is yet to transfer the money Kuda.

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The post New Friends Commit To Relationship By Saving Each Other’s Bank Details ‘For Future Use’ appeared first on Babbler.

As Katie pouted and made sexy eyes at her boyfriend of three months, Sam Salinger, in her mind, she looked like the leading lady from a romantic movie. In reality, Katie looked like Brandon Lee from The Crow.

Katie had prepared for their date by doing a YouTube tutorial to get the perfect smokey-eye look. Later, when warm water was applied, Katie’s face was flooded with streaks of mascara, eyeliner and eyeshadow.

After a few minutes of watching Katie writhing around like a demon, Sam got out of the shower, citing a headache.

Sam told Babbler, “It was terrifying. All I could think was that she looked like that girl from The Exorcist.”

Katie was blissfully unaware she had ruined the mood until she got out of the shower. By the time she had removed the makeup, Sam was in bed, pretending to be asleep.

More to come.

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The post Woman Acting Sexy In Shower Has No Idea She Looks Like A Goth Nightmare appeared first on Babbler.

For Simon and Angie, the purchase of dumplings at their local Chinese restaurant is a fraction of the price of a home. Yet the young couple have just spent 23 minutes deciding, “Should we also get dumplings?” One hour later, these millennials spent approximately 10 seconds deciding which houses to bid on this weekend in Reservoir, an outer suburb of Melbourne.

The young professionals are hoping to buy their first home. Yet in a hot market, properties are snapped up quickly. There isn’t time to think through what will be the most expensive purchase of their lives.

Once the thrifty pair agreed that they were hungry enough to share a plate of dumplings, they spent another nine minutes deciding if the filling should be prawn, pork or vegetable. And another three minutes debating if steamed or fried was best.

With the median house price in Australia hitting 1 million dollars, the couple have been saving for seven years to scrape together a deposit. They are on a tight budget and only buy the essentials. Today’s meal out was an unusual treat, with the bill coming to $23.85.

Angie said, “I once spent a month deciding whether or not to buy a pair of boots. Last month, we made an offer on a house before we’d even seen it. Unfortunately, a boomer came in and offered 1.2 million over the listing price so we missed out.”

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The post First Home Buyers Spend More Time Deliberating “Should We Get Dumplings?’ Than Choosing Which House To Buy appeared first on Babbler.

Samara Bronson and Jason Riccardo are celebrating Valentine’s Day with a romantic city escape. Within moments of checking in, they were happily on the bed in relaxation mode.

Samara said, “We don’t believe in the forced commercialism of Valentine’s Day, but the hotel had a special on. A bottle of sparkling wine and cheese platter on arrival, plus a continental breakfast. All for $229. It was a good deal, so we put our values aside.”

The newly-engaged couple had no idea that the bedspread they spent much of their stay lying on, has never been washed. It is home to a thriving ecosystem that formed from the discarded skin, bodily fluids and DNA of over one thousand guests that laid before them.

Hotel Manager, Brenda McPhatts said, “It’s an industry standard that certain items don’t get washed. The bed runner, cushions, the spare blanket in the wardrobe. None of it. Most surfaces in a hotel room are smeared with something.”

The natural and artificial conditions of the Superior Queen room – controlled heating and cooling, limited natural light and a constant supply of new organisms – all work together to form a unique bubble of life.

The couple joyfully consumed the complimentary sundries on the bedspread, while resting on decorative scatter cushions. Throughout their stay, Lavosh and croissant crumbs were ground into the bedspread and incorporated into a perfectly balanced microscopic system that Samara and Jason soon had sex on top of. Their own bodily fluids, and shredded skin cells, mingled with the DNA from thousands of other naked bodies in a microscopic world beneath them.

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As technology evolves, it’s common for women to learn their dream partner is a hologram. And while holograms can make wonderful partners, learning your boyfriend is one can be confusing.

Now Dave and I have a great relationship. It’s taken some getting used to and we are still figuring each other out, but that keeps things fresh and exciting.

I wouldn’t change Dave for the world, but knowing earlier that he’s a hologram would have prevented some arguments. Here are five signs that I wish I had seen with Dave. Is your boyfriend a hologram?

He forgot my birthday
Dave’s memory of all events is shocking. When he forgot my birthday, I assumed it was because he was busy at work, or maybe I should have reminded him more. But now I know it’s because he doesn’t think in the same way I do, which I find sexy.

He can’t make me orgasm
When Dave touches me it’s like he’s not even there. At first, I put our lack of sexual chemistry down to him not finding me attractive, but now I know that it’s because his motor skills are different to most men. It keeps things interesting!

He doesn’t help with the dishes
He also doesn’t cook or clean. Before, I thought this was because he was busy at work and needed to unwind when he gets home. Now I know it’s because holograms are inherently sexist. Which leaves me to focus on accepting him for who he is.

He isn’t close to his family or friends
When we first met, I found Dave’s detached style mysterious. He was often alone. I naturally put this down to him being too embarrassed by me to introduce me to his friends and family. Now I know he doesn’t have any, which frees up our couple time to explore our hobbies.

He shuts down emotionally and physically
We could be in the middle of a conversation and he would shut down. Literally. I used to think it was because he was scared to talk about his feelings, but now I know it’s a technical issue. I simply recharge his lasers and we can get back to having fun.

The post ‘He Can’t Make Me Orgasm!’ 5 Signs Your Boyfriend Is A Hologram appeared first on Babbler.

Mia is livid. Her friends from uni arranged a girl’s night out in the city and she wasn’t invited. Not that she would have gone.

One of the friends in question, Fran Pinto said, “We invite her but she never comes. She didn’t come to my birthday or the girls’ spa weekend. She didn’t even reply to our invite to the races. How much longer do we have to keep inviting her? No, seriously, how much longer?”

These days Mia has a busy social life and is not that interested in her old uni friends. “I always say no because I don’t like hanging out with them. They’re boring. But when they don’t invite me, it’s as if they think I’m the boring one.”

When Mia saw on Instagram that there had been an event without her, she was quick to post a comment, “Your loss, bitches. I would have come if you’d invited me.”

Fran added, “Seriously, how much longer do we have to invite her for? A year? Ten? Fifty years?!”

More to come.

The post Friend Who Always Says ‘No’ Furious They Weren’t Invited appeared first on Babbler.

It was a beautiful sunny afternoon. As we lay on the picnic rug, a soft breeze danced across our skin. We picked at the gourmet antipasto platter. Our fingers brushed over a hunk of gorgonzola; rotten, like our relationship was about to be.

The wine flowed – a full-bodied Heathcote Shiraz – and so did the conversation. Halfway through our second glass, I realised: this was the girl of my dreams.

I reached for the bottle. Now, I know my wines and judging by the weight of it, there was at least a third left. I was out to impress so I poured her glass first. But before I knew it, the bottle was empty! The last of the delicious crimson nectar was in her glass!

I was in shock. What had just happened? Had I screwed myself with my own manners? My date saw my face – my thirsty-and-more-sober-than-I-would-have-liked face – and made a half-hearted attempt to salvage the situation. “Oh no, I’ll pour some into yours,” she said like a maniac.

What could I do? If I agreed, I’d look like a psychopath. She had me snookered and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

Oh sure, she pretended there wasn’t an issue. She stretched out in the sun and prattled on about work as she sipped on the last of that sweet $11.95 Aldi Best Buy wine.

Well played, ex-dreamgirl. Well played.

I never saw her again.

The post Help! I Was Being Polite And Accidentally Poured The Last Of The Wine Into My Date’s Glass appeared first on Babbler.